right. i'm loser. freaking loser. also psycho. i even dunno what the hell is wrong with me, and maybe it's because of fever what i had last night [for those who still don't know - i'm sick again.] but i've cried almost all night. don't worry, nothing happened. it's why i'm worrying.... i've cried because of NOTHING. when i tried to calm down already i started to feel scared. again, no reason. i needed someone so bad. i started to text all friends, but ofc, i 3 AM everyone is sleeping... i had even idea to go to parents... but i don't know even now what i'd say to them... if i'd say that i'm crying without reason they wouldn't believe me. [already know it. but well, last time when i said it i had pretty serious reason.] and then i remembered only one person, who usually hangs with me all night along - Horo. in the begining i wasn't sure - last time she really changed,[at least her appearrence] so i guess i was a bit scared, that her mind has changed as well. but i really needed someone, so i've sent message to her, and was just praying that she'll answer. thanks god - she answered. we've talked a bit... actually i didn't want to tell her what's wrong, cuz i still wasn't sure that i can still trust her... but i told her everything. jeez, i'm feeling so bitch now - she hadn't change at all. she still is that same warm person, who helped me a lot in past and now... but umh, conversation with her made me find out what's wrong with me. here's path from our convo:
Horo - yeah, i understand you. i actually had same shit few weeks ago. but well, it's because of past... maybe something from past is disturbing you too? or maybe just something happened, and you're mega sensitive today? i think you should be sensitive at least sometimes... i mean that you're so heartless almost all the time...

she made me understand - yes, it's past what's disturbing me. actually i thought that i already erased it from my mind, and i don't really care about it - it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. BUT... problem is that i can't see people doing my mistakes, feeling pain what i've felt ... i'm freaking psycho - the one who had to feel that pain was ANIME CHARACTER. i'm such a psycho...

also i'm freaking dumbass... i haven't say anything to my other friends who were talking bad about Horo, calling her selfish, arrogant, bitch... i even started to believe them. after all what she've done to me... because of her i've met loads of awesome people, started cosplaying, survived last year... sorry guys, but my eyes opened now - i don't agree with you anymore. and well, you should know that the one who's selfish, arrogant also not thankful is me, not her.


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